It's tough to be a Republican...

[Michel Collon <michel.collon at skynet.be>]

It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004,
because somehow,
you have to believe concurrently that:

1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest
national priority is enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.

3."Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind
without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but
then demand their cooperation and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies make profits and have the interest of the
public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has done millions of
dollars of business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him
he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy
when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush
junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president."

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for an
unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of soldiers
and civilians die, is, somehow, solid "defense" policy in a "War against
Terrorism".

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which should include "banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet".

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's
library, and is none of our business.

18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national
interest but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international harmony".

20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for your Daddy and his
friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without
studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail
out your company Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers, to get the Governorship
of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the
USA.

21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow
and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the
same refunding as much tax money as possible to your campaign supporters.
This illogical behavior can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend
of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or
she may be a Republican!

PS. Unfortunately, we do not have the source of this nice mail!